Making a Positive out of a Negative (Part 2)


(Part 2)

I have no doubt that Kevin Ware is experiencing some sort of depression from this freak accident. Who can blame him? He has a lot to lose like a multi-million contract with some NBA team. If I could advise him or any of you that is currently going through some bad crises, you got to have the mindset that you can benefit greatly from getting over this huge obstacle. The whole concept behind one that is mentally tough is having the uncanny ability to change any negative situation is a positive one.

When you are at these lowest moments, you need to monitor yourself and make sure you don’t let the massive negative frustration turn into self-pity. This is the worst kind of negative self-talk. It is all too easy to wallow up in sorrow and become the victim. The victim mentality always leads to feeling sorry for yourself this is the last thing you want as you purse the art of toughing your mind.  What happens when we over do the self-sympathy is that we start blaming others for our misery and not taking ownership for own actions. This is very dangerous as it can lead to self-paralysis where one does nothing but finger pointing at everyone except one self.

I know in many cases one can have something done badly to them which is not their fault, like in the case with Kevin Ware. He was just in the wrong place and the wrong time.  You may not have in control of what happen to you, but you are in totally control of how you react to the awful situation. You can either feel sorry for yourself or do something about it. Being mentally tough is always about fighting back.

One way to do this is to shift your analysis of the situation by seeing how you may have indirectly contributed to the situation. I’m not saying one should blame their self for any unfairness, but by seeing how you have made some wrong choices that lead up to the circumstance can help you hold accountable for all of your actions. The reasoning is that if you see yourself somewhat responsible for what has happened to you then you must also see yourself as having the power to overcome the awful predicament as well. This ever so slightly change in your perception of the situation is all about empowerment. In other words, if you caused it, you can also change it. In order to be adept at overcoming adversities, you must be able to learn from your mistakes. To do this, you must have strong critical thinking skills and identify the reasons  that lead to your current downfall so you can avoid them the next time around. So it is vital that you catch yourself when you are being overly self-indulgent with your suffering and absolutely refuse to take on the role of the victim.

I’m not saying I completely stopped feeling sorry for myself when something terrible has happened to me. I still do mope.  A part of me actually embraces it because it gives me excuse to drink heavily. The only difference now is that I quickly recognize it and like a slap in the face, I snap out of it with a lot of positive self-talk. Positive self-screaming at myself to wake up is more like it.

In my past when I was embarrassing feeble minded, I wish somebody would have bashed in the head with a brick whenever I would over sulk and frown. What I was looking for was some much needed sympathy and attention from my friends. I learned the hard way that the only person to really help you get out of your misery is yourself. Sure, there are some people that sincerely care about you, but the majority of people are too absorb in their own problems to really give a horse’s ass about how you feel. I hate to break it to you, but the average person is a vulture. If there’s nothing in it for them, most people just don’t care about your problems. So stop wasting your time and energy seeking others to pamper you.

And for my unlucky friends that had the ear aching duty of having to listen to me spill my guts out, my deepest apologies. I’m sure they all shook their heads in disgust at my sad sack act. I know I would have. Nothing is more pathetic than seeing a grown adult pout and whine all day long. In other words, I was acting like a child. If any of you are prone to be a cry baby, be aware of it and stop it immediately. It will get you nowhere from those around you and mostly from yourself. Again, I am talking from experience.

So, if are currently in a bad place, the first thing you need to stop it with the “Why me” boo-hoo whimper.  Instead, you need to ask yourself empowering self-questions like “What can I do today to get me out this bad situations?” or “What three things I can do today to help me overcome this adversity? You had your self-absorbed moments of drinking your sorrows away, but now it’s time to move on and  smash those violins that are playing in the background of your biographical movie.

Enough is enough.  The choice is up to you. Either you continue letting your enemies grin at the thought of you doing nothing or you can unnerve them by fighting back with vengeance. If you chose the later and run into them on your way to victory. Go ahead and do it.

Let your opponent know that you’re done taking shit from them or anybody else. When push comes to shove, you now will always shove harder. You opponents have hardened you and molded you into this person that is defiant to letting people fuck with you.

This is now who you are.


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